Ok, I realise and realised when I put up those two pictures that I really shouldn't have. But I had reasons for doing it.

See, the photos 'Regret' and the other one, I forget the name and can't be bothered finding it but I'm sure you know what photos I'm talking about. They're emotive portrates. No, I can't spell portrates, and no, I don't care. But I put them up to show how I was feeling at a particular time in my life.

I was about to delete these photos. This would be the forth or fifth time I've considered it now, and I was actually about to do it. But they are my art that reflect how I was feeling. For me, now, they're also a reminder. A very significant reminder. Because when I did what's shown in the photos was the last time I've done anything like that. And I honestly have no intention of doing anything like that again. Before those pictures, I had done it a lot, and reletively frequently. But no more for me. Ever. I'm just not interested in it anymore, at all.

So that's why I want to keep them up. They are symbolicic of how I was, and what I've overcome. They're also a record of how long I've gone without, since I loaded up the photo the day I did it.


On the other hand, a lot has happened recently that inclines me to delete these deviations.
You see, because I did what I did in those photos, I was caught for it. And my mother has found out a lot about me from it. But she is handling the entire thing entirely wrong.

Now, she's a phychologist, and a really good one at that. I have no doubt. But she is a hopeless mother. And she is doing something seriously wrong in that she is trying to fix all of my problems like a psychologist. But first she has to break me down and get me to talk to her about all my problems. And my problems used to be serious problems. But I have over come them all almost completely. At least to a point where I am coping really well, and am actually happy. I really am happy, now that I think about it. So she is trying to break me down, break down my 'barriers', and get me to talk to her by forcing me to talk to her. And I have no choice over anything. But she's just hurting me, trying to break down what's not there... So instead, she's just breaking down me. Hurting me. Not helping me.

... but I can't get her to understand.

Everything, she's taken the wrong way so far.
Like, how I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. Well, I am 17 and want to spend time with my boyfriend. Tell me what's wrong with that, please?

But she found my diary.

Now, here's a little special note about my diary.
Pretty much, I write in it, and I write serious shit. But then it's clear in my mind, and it's sorted out. So my diary is full of solved problems.

Unfortunately to people who don't understand the way my diary functions inmy life, it looks like I simply have a shitload of unsolved problems.
So now she thinks I have a million and one unsolved, serious as all hell problems, and I'm on the edge, and about to break abd do something really stupid. She thinks that I am so emotionally unstable. But I have solved all that so well, and I'm coping so well, and I'm happy, and those problems don't bother me in the least anymore.

So back to my original point...
I was considering deleting the pictures because I was worried that my secret account might be found, and I might be skrewed once more. Even though, as I just explained, it is not a problem that bothers me any longer.